about me

I’ve been sitting here staring at my screen for a long time, trying to come up with something newsworthy to tell about myself. I feel like I should be writing some really cool facts that will not only make you laugh out-loud, but also cause you to really like me.

Yet all I can think about are these words from ‘Grace Found Me’ by Rush of Fools.

family
‘Your grace found me,
I thought I wasn’t breathing.
My heart now sees.
Cause you chased for me,
I never saw it coming.
My eyes now see, Your grace found me.’

 

If I could share the most important detail about my life with you, it would be that God’s grace really did find me.

When I was 31 years old, I found out I would never be able to physically have a baby. My husband and I had been trying for three years to get pregnant with no success, and the weeks and months of infertility were beginning to take their toll on me.

I was home alone when I received the fateful phone call from my doctor. As I stood there in the middle of my kitchen staring at a stack of dirty dishes, the news caused that final piece of my heart, the piece that was already so bruised and battered, to completely succumb to the dark pit that would hold it captive for so many years.

I can’t explain to you the feeling of knowing that something inside my body was broken, but I’ll try to tell you exactly how that brokenness was turned into something beautiful, how Jesus ended up keeping His promise to me.

I’ve been a Christian since I was fourteen years old. I was blessed with parents who had me in Sunday school at a very young age. I’m the oldest of three girls, and the oldest of nineteen grandchildren. It seems like I was always involved with caring for young children, so the thought of not having a child of my own was a concept very foreign to me.

As the years added up on the knowledge that my dream wasn’t going to be fulfilled, I gradually, without even realizing it, began pulling away from God. Sadly, I have to admit that I became a very bitter person. I found myself cringing whenever I saw a pregnant lady, a newborn baby, and especially every time someone asked why we weren’t having children, or made the comment that they thought we would be great parents. The saddest thing though was how my relationship with Christ suffered.

When I look back over my life, I see that I spent it trying to be as perfect as possible. I realize now that I was expecting to receive special credit for being so good. I wanted one thing from God, just one reward, but I couldn’t figure out why He wasn’t giving it to me.

husband

My entire mindset was, Lord, I’ve done my part, now I’m waiting on You to do Yours.

This way of thinking clouded my mind until I was no longer able to recognize the blessings I was surrounded with. Instead, I covered myself in so much pain I refused to believe God was still there; at the time He felt so very far away. I found myself drowning in darkness with no escape in sight; I was empty with very little hope for deliverance.

It took complete and utter brokenness before I was able to finally look up through my pain and recognize that not only was I still very much alive, but so was everyone else in my life. I had also forgotten something very important; no matter how far I had moved away from God, He hadn’t budged an inch from my side.

I’m still a work in progress, but I’m able to recognize that I’m not working alone. Christ is there through every single moment of my life, every decision, all the pain and hurt, all my happiness, all my sadness, every single moment. He will never leave me.

‘For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” (Hebrews 13:5 NLT)

I’m overwhelmed and amazed at the grace God showed me through all those dark years of my life, the grace that He still covers me with daily. I’m so very blessed and thankful for all the gifts He has blessed me with, including a wonderful, supportive husband, two nephews, and a niece, parents who continue to live as an example of Christ’s love, two loving sisters, the best of best friends, a precious dog, and a great extended family. I truly am an example of God’s healing grace.

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‘His grace found me,
I thought I wasn’t breathing.
My heart now sees.
Cause He chased for me,
I never saw it coming.
My eyes now see,
His grace found me.

 

More about me:

Most of my free time is spent behind a camera or laptop documenting God’s beautiful creation, teaching an adult women’s Sunday school class, and enjoying being with my husband as we try to keep up with our sweet boxer dog Rocky.

I love fall. I love leaves crunching, wearing boots, sweaters, and scarves, the smell of hot chocolate, apple and pumpkin pie, watching football, and looking forward to seeing my favorite team, UK play basketball. I’m sure a lot of it has to do with me being born in late October, but regardless, it’s my favorite time of year.

My heart’s desire is to help women. I know what it’s like to feel completely hopeless, to believe you are all alone, and that no one else understands. I want to use my experiences to be a light to those who are in darkness. I want to extend the Hope that only a relationship with Jesus Christ can give.

Fun Facts (aka useless information)

*I’m a self professed scarf-aholic. I love all styles, sizes, and materials.
*If given a choice, I would wear my pajamas all day long.
*Since it’s not practical to wear pajamas, give me a t-shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes.
*I believe you can never have too many cookies.
*I’m very competitive. Let you win? Uh, no. lol
*I love books. I’m not sure I will ever get enough 😉 When I’m not writing words, I’m reading them. My favorite authors are Beth Moore, Melanie Shankle, Ted Dekker, and Brennan Manning.
*I have an eclectic taste in music. I pretty much love it all – anything from 80’s hits, to Needtobreathe, Lecrae, Jason Gray, or what’s currently playing on the radio.
*I love meeting new people and hearing their stories; I’m a great listener and would love to hear from you. 

Please contact me at stgibson19@yahoo.com
add me on Facebook  Heart Reflected
or Twitter @stgibson19

Rush of Fools, Grace Found Me from their cd We Once Were, 2011 Meaux Hits/Wes Willis Music/Songs for Sinners (ASCAP) admin by EMICMG Publishing/Meaux Jeuax Music (SESAC)

Verses I use as my lifeline

‘ “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” ‘ (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT)

‘So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.’ (1 Peter 1:6 NLT)

‘Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.’ (Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT)

‘And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.’ (Romans 8:28 NLT)

‘In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years.’ (Isaiah 63:9 NLT)

‘For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken.” says the LORD, who has mercy on you.’ (Isaiah 54:10 NLT)

‘He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.’ (2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT)

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6 comments on “about me”

  1. Angie Spady Reply

    Thank you for this beautiful blog, for exposing your struggles, and for helping all women who read this relate to one another and turn to the One who can save us.

  2. Jessa Reply

    Your words .. and, most of all, your HEART drew me in, Salina. My own sister has known the heartbreak of infertility! It has been hard to be close with her. Perhaps that is part of the barrier. I know my heart has broken for hers over and over. I may share your link with her. But I will have to pray about that first.

    But now I see her not only posting pictures of dogs for rescue (as she and hubby have one beloved pooch, as well), but she has begun posting anti-abortion pictures and comments on FB. I believe she is healing, but I also know that this pain ~ at the heart of our womanhood ~ never fully leaves. I am sure that ~ through God’s Grace, as you wrote ~ you only ever learn to live around IT!

    May you be blessed in ALL you do with a double portion of God’s abundance as you minister to others through word, through The Word, through song and pictures and through your precious presence!

    P.S. I love, Love, LOVE Bleeding Hearts! You have taken some awe-inspiring shots! I will be following your work on FB! Thank you!

    • salina19 Reply

      Thank you so very much for sharing that Jessa. I pray for continued healing of your sister’s heart and understanding of what she has been through. Like you said, the pain never fully leaves, but with God you do learn to accept it.

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